Loathe
by tsocococcaine
Summary: Hinata confesses. Kageyama accepts and they live happily ever after. Not. [first time writing angst]
1. Chapter 1

Hinata Shoyo is an optimistic child. That doesn't change until now. He tries to stay positive in whatever situation he's in. That's why everybody likes him. Hinata Shoyo always motivates the team when in a crisis.

Kageyama Tobio, however seems to be the opposite. He doesn't stay positive nor is he grieving every time. But he does have anger issues. Otherwise, he stays neutral all the time.

These two is a dynamic. The craze-duo. A cat and a dog, always fighting. They stick to each other like glue. The spiker - setter. Partners. Teammates. Friends.

Lovers.

On their third year, Hinata confesses, Kageyama accepts and they live happily ever after.

Not.

Once graduating, they buy an apartment. They live together and do everything together. Nothing's change, it seems.

Kageyama continues his volleyball career. Hinata works in a local office. Their days just repeating over and over. Wake up. Work. Go home. Sleep.

For Hinata that is. Hinata stayed positive even though his days are becoming boring. He should've improved his skills more. He should've trained more and slept less. So that he could also get that scholarship for an athletic school like Kageyama did.

But now here he is, sitting in an uncomfortable chair and arguing with a customer over the phone. Each day, Hinata gets frustrated. He's getting farther and farther away from the sun. Hinata's days has become gloomy.

Meanwhile Kageyama is having the best of his life! Forgetting about Hinata. Forgetting about his boyfriend just because he won a competition. Just because he won with his new teammates. With his new partner.

Hinata thinks this all day. He has no one to talk to. No one to pour his container of anger. Kageyama's too busy and his schedule is just messed up.

Until one day that Kageyama has a day off. Kageyama notices the bags under Hinata's eyes. How he's become thinner and gloomier. Hinata refuses to explain. Kageyama tries his best not to yell at his weak boyfriend.

But Kageyama tries to get answers. Kageyama feeds Hinata every morning and leaves him homemade lunch before going to school. Soon Hinata gets healthier. But he's still sad.

As Hinata recovers, he did things well. Too well that he got promoted at work. He accepted it with a fake smile. After all, what's the point? It'll only increase his salary. Kageyama won't care. He has things to do. He's too busy to be happy for me. To praise me. I'm pretty sure he even got mad at me when I refused to eat.

But it's all his fault. It's Kageyama's fault. He's making me think things. I didn't use to be like this. Am I depressed? Yeah right. Just because Kageyama is having a better life than me? Just because he only cares if I got sick? He's only concerned if I do something bad. Because he's used to me being an idiot, is that it?

Up to this day he still thinks I'm useless. Ha ha...what's our relationship again? Anyhow I'm going to improve.

Hinata does better. He recovered and now he has his own office on this tall building that he works at. He profits more than Kageyama and he does things more for the country. But Kageyama still doesn't care.

Kageyama goes home to find a drunk Hinata. A bottle of beer on one hand and the Tv remote on the other. Hinata looks up with saddened eyes. Even worse than before. Kageyama demands why. Hinata doesn't answer. Kageyama yells for answers and Hinata covers his ears.

I'm concerned he said. Why won't you talk to me he asks.

Hinata finally stood up. Glaring at Kageyama with all his might. Pointing his finger at Kageyama's chest.

It's all your fault.

Saying, yelling the cause of his frustration, Hinata blames Kageyama. They shouldn't have lived together. He should have not confessed.

I shouldn't have forgotten that you're just a heartless bastard.

Kageyama gaped. While his brows furrowed. How is it my fault? You're the one who refused to continue. You're the one who started all this. Why did I even fall in love with you?

That's it. Hinata stared wide-eyed. Tears ready to fall as Kageyama yells some more. What happened to the promise he made to himself? What happened to improving. Kageyama's telling how he's worse than him. Isn't that enough? Enough proof that I'll forever be useless?

Hinata's head is down. Kageyama stops. His becoming concerned. As he reached for Hinata, afraid to break his boyfriend. He realizes the things he said. The things he yelled to Hinata's face like it was the truth. But it wasn't. Maybe it was his fault. Hinata became depressed because of him. And he didn't even noticed. Because he wasn't paying attention to Hinata.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, as Kageyama reaches Hinata's hunching shoulders. The force that came felt numb. The smack to his face was not startling, as Kageyama's face turned.

It wasn't startling but the next words felt painful.

I fucking hate you.

Kageyana stared at Hinata's face. Tears fell down both their faces as Kageyama asks if he really meant that. He did, of course he meant that. You've been causing him pain for two years. You're the cause of his depression. You're an asshole because you didn't care. He hates you and it's too late, it's too late to apologize.

Kageyama ran. Hinata didn't chase him. And that's the biggest mistake he has ever made.

Kageyama ran with tears covering his vision. Thinking to himself how of an asshole he have been. How he's the worst person to ever live. Just because his boyfriend told him he hates him. But he really is.

No no no, he should've just apologized. He could still change things. He would ask for Hinata's forgiveness. He should have been rational and think things through. He shouldn't have yelled. Kageyama erased his earlier memories. He should apologize. Right now.

Kageyama stopped. Looking around to where he is now. He just ran aimlessly earlier but now he's going back. He's going back to Hinata to make things right. He's going to apologize–

Kageyama doesn't hear the horn of the oncoming truck.

* * *

Hey, hey hey! this is my first time writing angst and I hope you liked it because I am not really confident. Feel free to tell me of there are any mistakes and thank you for reading!

Also the ending is not the end, I'm just not really sure if I would continue this. I will continue this if you did like story so please comment if I should. And again, THANK YOU FOR READING!

-tsoco


	2. Chapter 2

In all honesty, it's not that hard to move on. You forget about the person, think that all you did was all just a memory now and repeat to yourself that you don't care. Or pretend that all you did was pointless and you hate all of them and never interact with them ever again.

Hinata Shoyo chose the latter. Involuntarily.

~line~

Christmas isn't really celebrated in Japan. Some do though but it's mostly a holiday for couples ad lovers.

Kageyama Tobio and Hinata Shoyo are lovers.

In the past.

~line~

It was not heart breaking but rather the kind that you would just look over and tell yourself how stupid you are. Hinata didn't cry nor mourn over him. He just attended the funeral and left like nothing ever happened.

He was so stunned to react and he kept his spaced-out facade for a few days.

Soon, it all fell on him like shooting stars on a meteor shower. Not one by one, at the same time on a great speed. The memories all weighed on him and spilled all his kept up emotions.

Hinata felt sick, disgusted. He felt disgusted with his own skin, with his self. How nauseating to see himself in a mirror without a scratch, looking at his mourning clothes. While his lover is sleeping on a coffin never to wake up.

Hinata full of life, can do that and this. His other half can do nothing and have nothing because he himself is nothing now. It felt unfair, he felt useless, he felt nothing.

As Hinata go by, his lovers name became a taboo. It was never said. By him, by his friends, acquaintances. Because they all knew, they knew what it brings to Hinata.

But Shoyo didn't want to be pathetic. He didn't want sympathy from those who say so but they don't. They don't understand his pain. They can't. They won't.

Because Hinata is just a useless shit. An asshole, douchebag, a dick, any possible insult to drop on Hinata's already low ego.

They don't know the feeling.

The feeling of knowing that your last words to someone, to your loved one is that you fucking hate them.

Hinata moved on. It was December. The Christmas Eve.

As he walked on the streets filled with lights, decorations and noisy couples and their special dates. The big Christmas tree standing tall and mighty at the center of the mall. Many people are taking pictures there. People who he don't know and they doesn't know him either.

People who don't, won't know his story.

Hinata wasn't sad. He isn't sad, but he isn't happy either.

He's alone.

And he will stay alone for the rest of his life. For the sake of his love. Walking on a whim on the night on Christmas Eve wasn't a great idea. Hinata is jealous. Jealous of their successful relationships while his, sad and forgotten.

He said that he moved on but he can't help remembering. All he can do is hate.

Hate himself. Hate him. Hate them. But it's Christmas so pushing these thoughts would be good. Yeah good, good thoughts. I should be thinking good.

Maybe buy some presents for my friends. Try that new store over there. See if I have to do some grocery shopping. If I need more clothes...

Natsu...

Natsu Hinata. Hinata Shoyo's sister. His family. Hinata's family stayed at their hometown. Keeping quiet there and being a support for their big brother, son, Shoyo. They called sometimes, asked how things are. They still doesn't know though. What happened and what will happen, just like the rest.

I should visit them.

~line~

Hinata prepared his clothes, his things, all his necessities. He's going home. To Miyagi, to family, to Karasuno. To memories.

It's risky. Going back to your hometown and finding all the memories of you two coming back. Trying to not break down. But Hinata won't be like that. And he's about to prove that.

The ride didn't take long. Hinata fell asleep at the train and bus so he had plenty of energy. Enough to look around and see what's changed and what's not. Feeling nostalgic on various places. Smiling a warm smile that'll soon be somber. There isn't much that's worth mentioning really. He just wanted to go home.

Hinata rang the doorbell. Hugged his sister who came running down the hallway and launched at him like a canon. They're almost the same height. Hearing the almost same voice that he missed while he's in a crisis doing work. Hinata showed a genuine smile.

I'm home.

Welcome back, replied the Hinata family that consists of two cheerful ladies that shares the same smile as Shoyo. Who would hug him, tell him it's okay to tell them a story. Will assure him everything will be fine when he broke down.

When he shattered slowly like the glass of their framed photo. Him and his beloved standing in front of the new door of their new apartment. Now the picture is crumpled with tears and the frame unable to be fixed.

They would pat him on the head and hand him a glass of water. Maybe they would understand. Maybe.

I'm not sure. But I'm happy.

I'm happy that I'm finally poured. Not overflowing, not full but not empty either. Content and calm. The glass of water on his hand as he smile with dries tears on his cheeks.

For the first time in a week, Hinata Shoyo slept peacefully.

* * *

UUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHH... sorry for the late chapter! and that it sucks and short but I just didn't really find any inspiration and I decided to write today and this is what came out. At least its a happy ending. Anyways, as always thank you for reading! And I accept critics sooo... :''''')

-tsoco


End file.
